The Nature of Love

Well--here I am back again after a very long time. Valentines day is coming up--have you purchased your empty gesture yet? If you are lucky you have someone who will be satisfied with a cheesy pair of pajamas in a lavender box, or a badly dressed teddy bear, both of which are available replete with the promise that it will look as if your gift was thoughtfully chosen--regardless of whether it really was or not. If you are unlucky you will have to place yourself at the mercy of a greedy GPS unit, which will guide you to a store where you can dump a crapload of cash on something that will be cold comfort to the recipient when your relationship has collapsed.
Yes, this is very cynical. I know there are people who give expensive gifts and jewelry as a REAL expression of the depth of their emotion--but we are constantly encouraged to give ONLY the gift and let the emotion slide.
Here's a concept--on the day when we celebrate LOVE, why not give LOVE itself.
Of course--this means defining what love is. Songwriters have gotten paychecks for centuries trying to explain exactly this to people--you would think with all that harmonious information coming at us we would have figured it out by now. Here is what I have come to believe:
I believe there are two kinds of love. I have experienced both in my life, and have decided that there is only one type that is worthwhile.
Some people come to love you because of who you are.
Some people come to believe they have to love you in spite of what you are not.
One of these loves is unconditional. It emulates the love of the Divine--and comes from the Divine center that resides in us all.
The other kind of love is utterly human. It is based on social mores and judgements, and is a type of love that demoralizes. It is love, and can be self sacrificing and filled with kindness, but it is based on a judgement, and a condemnation of who we are as people. Often it is given with the expectation of fulfilling a need of the giver, with no real sense of the person who receives it at all.
People say you have to love yourself before you can love others. I suppose this is true--but I also believe that if you can find this Divine love within yourself and send it out into the world, the self love you seek will begin to flourish on its own. Its very hard to do. We all have our egos and predispositions that get in the way of this--our lives are really a journey towards perfecting this love that comes BECAUSE, not DESPITE. It is a choice between finding things in people that lift us up because of their undeniable beauty, and finding things that raise us up by letting us step up on their backs. We come into and leave this world utterly alone--except for the presence of the ability to love that resides within us. By letting the shining beauty of this Divine love flow through our spirit, we move within a society of other shining beacons--whether we are here on this earth or someplace else.